Swan song

So I got an email from KR (my boss's new assistant) that I have to present one final meeting tomorrow. So much for Easter and resurrection. I'm about to be nailed to the cross again.

What the hell am I supposed to present? I haven't done jack shit in the last 3 weeks.

The word swansong comes to mind. But its inappropriate for this occasion. If I recall correctly, the word "swansong" derives from the myth that the bird sings one beautiful final song before it dies.

I'm not about to die yet. Metaphorically or otherwise. And I have nothing beautiful to speak of.

Well..... technically I do. But I don't quite feel up to it. I think its called "senioritis" in some circles.

Its 12.30 a.m. In 9 hours I'm supposed to make a presentation. I have no slides ready for it.

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I always hoped it would end differently. You know, with the whole story. Closure is good. You always want a happy ending. I thought we'd end up discussing some interesting data. A nice wrap up of where it came from, whats been done, what are the possible directions that the next person would continue on.

Except that the next person is not here yet. I mean, we have no new people joining the lab. So its pointless to go through this whole discussion. And the ones who are here don't really care about what I work on.

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I had made this resolution not to engage in fruitless pursuits anymore. Which is why I also dropped that whole other thing. I mean, why put in all the effort? Better save it for something more meaningful. And realistic.

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Its somehow very Ishiguro. I remember a similar feeling when I read "Never Let Me Go". Possible spoilers ahead, skip this part if you care.

The book really does a good job of engaging you with the characters lives. And you can't help but sympathize with them. And what they're going through. (And they're going through a lot). And it builds up to this... this climax. And then it ends quite abruptly. They explain the whole damn mystery. And you turn the last page and the story ends.

And you're like, wait, where's the happy ending?

And it doesn't come.

But it's only a novel goddammit. Give them a happy ending, will you?

And it still doesn't come.

And that's just the way it is sometimes. And you have to deal with it.

Go read the book if you haven't already. Seriously.

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And now its 1.30 a.m. and the slides are not ready yet.

And I think H is going to miss climbing this week. Need to find another belayer.